Thursday, May 31, 2007


NY Post has been all over Arod claiming that he is having an affair so let's break it down via the Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons Arod is possibly having an affair

10. Closet asshole!!!!!!!! - Arod is like the Man - always says the corporate political stuff but deep down you know something ain't right

9. That's the way playahs play MVP!!!!!! MVP!!!!! MVP!!!

8. Wants to reestablish his True Dominican Latino male macho stereotype that he destroyed when he played for USA in the World Classic instead of the Dominican Republic

7. The pressure of not being recognized as True Yankee by goon fans has thrown him into depression and he needed to get hit off

6. He and his 250 Million Dollar contract get lonely on the road
5. It's all a hustle - he and the NY post set this up so they can sell some papers - people are sick of reading about Lindsey Lohan and Brittney Spears
4. Lashing out for attention now that Roger Clemens is showing up - Look at me!! Look at me!!! Look at me!!!

3. After his hot start at the plate he's cooled off and is looking for a slump buster - maybe he can't buy a hit but he can rent some incredible sex
2. Give Evil Met fans something to talk trash about

And the Number One Reason Arod is possibly having an affair

1. Depressed about the slow start to the Yankee Season and needs a little pick me up - literally

Monday, May 28, 2007

The Others

On the Hit TV Show Lost the plane crash survivors are stranded on an Island and soon realize the are not alone. They learn that a weird group of people are also there with them - They are called the Others.

In Softball the players are also not Alone. There are "Others" there with them as well.

How are they?
What do they want?
Let's find out

Top Ten Softball "Others"

10. Sun Bathers on the great Lawn. They lay down right in the middle of the field, then get angry when they are asked to move or get hit. Today for example some young 15 year old girl who looks like she watches TRL religiously was struck by line drive in the face while lying on her blanket in a bikini. I personally have crashed into or stepped on other sun worshippers - nothing like getting a tan in the dangerous line of fire. Retards.
9. Smokey - smokes weed and drinks liquor like most people inhale oxygen. Sells overpriced drinks and beers to unprepared softball players.
8. Lou from West - doesn't play, doesn't manage, coaches 1st base - does put on his cleats
7A. Tie - Chelo, Legendary Inwood Groundskeeper - Drinks Johnny Walker for Breakfast. Speaks some hardcore Spanish language that only someone born in the deep hills of the Dominican country can understand. Very Good heckler
7B. Nice Dominican lady who sells pastelittos, pasteles, rice, beans, beer and lemonade at Inwood. She is one phone call away from being deported.
6. Inconsiderate generic wandering people who walk across the outfield grass trying to cut across the park and interrupt a game in progress and then have the audacity to act surprised and insulted when they get yelled at - Classic.
5. Ghetto Guy selling hot softball equipment - Beware of crackheads selling gloves "that they found" and people selling nasty bottled water. Kid in Red Hook sold repackaged tap water for $1
4. Taryn - CP Softball Groupie - Who is she? Is she really a Real Estate agent? Why does she flirt so much? Why does she go to all the games?
3. Edgar Gonzalez Sr - old school great player. Retired due to age and injuries - ruthless heckler
2. Parents who let their innocent kids play with Vladamir from pickup. Vlad is a nice guy and good to kids but he isn't exactly the role model that you want your kids playing with. The man argues every pitch in pick up and believes Pro Wrestling is real.

and the Number One Softball "Other"

1. Umpires - like the Others on lost - have their own agenda and play outsides the fair rules of society

Sunday, May 27, 2007

House Cleaning

While performing the rare task of cleaning my apartment I couldn't help but compare cleaning up a house to cleaning up a softball team

Top Ten Ways Cleaning Up Your House is Like Cleaning Up a Softball team

10. It's a dirty job that can only be best done by you
9. You really don't want to do either but it just has to do get done for the betterment of all parties involved
8. Both require you airing and throwing out your garbage
7. Both require blood, sweat, and tears. Sacrifice. You gotta get down on your hands and knees and scrub away all the scum
6. You smell after doing both
5. Both involve causalities - when cleaning out your crib you throw out old shit you loved but you have no use for anymore. Same thing in softball. You have to nicely ask players that don't fit your systems to leave. You might win in the long run but you lose something along the way
4. No matter how hard you work someone else takes the credit
3. Both are thankless jobs
2.When you clean your crib someone like your wife or mom criticize you and when you try and rebuild a team someone out there always has something to say.

and the Number One way Cleaning Up Your House is Like Cleaning Up a Softball team

1. Both jobs are never ending - No matter how much you clean or how much you lose the job never ends.

Saturday, May 26, 2007


It's Memorial Day weekend!!!!!! Time for Barbecues, beach, family, friends, and softball????

Most softball played during Memorial weekend is either the tournament or pickup variety. But the whole Holiday thing got me thinking about Holiday's and softball.


Top Ten Holidays and their relationship with Softball

10. Easter is at the Beginning of spring and softball begins in the spring - a perfect combination
9. Ground Hogs Dog - a bullshit holiday made up only to give people hope that winter is ending. But in the classic movie Groundhogs day the main Character Billy Murray kept reliving the same day over and over again until he got it right, while in the game softball we keep reliving our same mistakes over and over again until we get it right.
8. July 4th - the ultimate American Holiday. Unfortunately not much softball is played on July 4th so no relation. Only connection is that everyone gets drunk and high and says oh and ah a lot
7. Labor Day - no one works on Labor day which equates to mucho softball - lots of games to go around - plus most of the best softball players don't work in real life anyway.
6. Roshashana - all my teams sponsored by my Jewish players have byes on Roshashana
5. Thanksgiving - We give thanks for all we have on gobble gobble day - It also marks the end of the softball season - except Yorkville ( we'll discuss them another time)
4. Columbus Day - 3rd Day Weekend Love baby - Columbus Discovered America, Rick and Blonde discovered Inwood Fall softball - Best fall league in NYC!!!!! - check out
3. MLK Birthday - MLK had a dream of quality. Citysoftball had a dream of modified equality with no slingers and wringers
2.Christmas - is the biggest of all Holidays where we long ago forgot about peace on earth and sold out to a commercial holiday. Softball long ago sold out the love of the game to paying pitchers and corrupt leagues and umps - Money and geed ruins everything

and the number one Holiday associated with Softball

1. Halloween - Trick or Treat - Halloween is every freaks, sluts, and weirdo's delight. So is softball. Much props to Dio Jackson who dresses up every year in Inwood and keeps the fun alive!!!!!!!!! Holler!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Live by the Sling Die by the Sling

Sling is a pitching motion that allows the pitcher to whip the ball over his head and to his side that generates maximum speed and velocity making him nearly impossible to hit.

Unless a league sanctions this "open" style of pitching it is considered illegal.

Tonight we faced a premier paid sling pitcher "Solito" ( in English that literally means Alone ) and he blew us away striking out nine ( Myself twice - no big surprise there). We didn't lose but we didn't win either as our "legal" modified pitcher Simon threw a shutout and the game ended tied after 8 innings due to darkness (ties have no place in softball, but I'll blog about that another time).

Anyway, the reason pitchers sling is obvious it let's them blow away hitters - duhh.

But Why don't umps call illegal pitches.

That can only be a prelude to a Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons Ump do not Call illegal pitches

10. Are you kidding me? That would only slow down the game and make them actually work
9. Like #10 stated Sling speeds up the game and that means umps get paid faster - HOLLER!!
8. Umps follow the Officer Bar Brady philosophy from South Park "NOTHING TO SEE HERE PEOPLE NOTHING TO SEE"
7. Umps don't want to cause additional controversy - They simply don't want to call it
6. Umps and Paid Sling Pitchers are both in this softball thing to make money together. It would be bad business for everyone involved if they were honest and followed the rules
5. No Respect for the game
4. Like most government officiating in softball is governed with corruption and dirty politics
3. Umps do not know the rules - why should they know the rules they are paid to interpret - that would make too much sense
2. Intimidation - Umps don't want to be followed back to their car

and the #1 Reason Umps don't call Illegal pitches

1. They don't have the balls to do it - It only takes one man to make a difference but they are scared to challenge the obvious.

Proof that I am not Alone in the Softball Pyscho Universe

For all of you who always thought Rick is crazy - you are probably right but I am not alone.

The following song was written by one of the premier managers in all of Softball and aspiring American Idol contestant Dio Jakson - enjoy

Song: Eminem's "Cleaning out my closet" - performed by Dio Jackson

Where's my team, I have no team in Colgate, there ya' go,
yeah, yo', yo'...

Have you ever been hated or discriminated against, I have,
I've been protested and demonstrated
against, picket signs for my wicked MOVES, look at the News,
sick is the mind of the
motherfuckin' kid that's behind, all this commotion,
emotions run deep as ocean's explodin',
tempers flaring from teammates, just blow 'em off and keep
goin', not takin' nothin' from no one,
give 'em hell long as i'm breathin', keep kickin' ass in
these leagues, an' takin' names in the
evening, leave 'em with a taste as sour as vinegar in they
mouth, see they can trigger me but
they'll never figure me out, look at me now, I bet ya'
probably sick of me now, ain't you Coach,
I'm make you look so ridiculous now...


I'm sorry boy friend, I never meant to hurt you, I never
meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm
Comin out the closet, {one more time}, I said I'm sorry boy
friend, I never meant to hurt you, I
never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm Comin' out the

I got some moves up my sleeve and I don't know if no one
knows it, so before they throw me
inside my coffin and close it, I'm expose it, I'll take you
back to Inwood 05, before I ever had a Inwood chip I thought
I would die, Cause we sucked, at least that's what was being
said, my boys huddled up and said fuk tis let's put this
team to bed. I wish we would have lost,
no I don't on second thought, I just fuckin' wished he would
have beat someone else, I look at Chelsea and I
couldn't picture everyone on different sides, even if I
hated Joey V, I grit my teeth and I'd try, to make it
work with him at least for Chelsea's sake, I maybe made some
mistakes but I'm only human, but I'm
man enough to face them today, what I did was stupid, no
doubt it was dumb, but the smartest
shit I did was pinch hit and pinch run, cause we would've
lost to Papo and the Phillies that night, shit it's my team,
i'd like to welcome y'all to the Highlanders show...


Now I would never diss my own boys just to get recognition,
take a second to listen who you
think this record is dissin', but put yourself in my
position, just try to envision witnessin'
your boy poppin' shit and bitchin, that someone's talkin
shit saying that Dio has no pitchin, going through phone
books and contactin your boys for no reason, victim of we
need ball players on Sunday so get whoevers needed, my whole
life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't 'til I
up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya' stomach, doesn't
it, wasn't it the reason you made
that team in Central Park, Coach, so you could try to
justify the way you treated me, Coach, but guess what, your
gettin' older now and it's cold when your lonely, and the
team is going down so quick, their gonna
know that its phoney, and Chelsea's getting so big now, you
should see it, its beautiful, but it will never work when
you have the commish with a team runnin it, see what hurts
me the most is you won't
admit you was wrong, go, do your team, keep tellin' yourself
that your gonna win, but how dare
you try to take what you didn't help me to get, your selfish
kid, but I love you for it, remember when we won the chip
and you said this was a dream, well guess what, I am gay,
gay as in happy you see ...


Monday, May 21, 2007

Monday Morning Manager - ManagerSpeak

It's been a few days since I last blogged (I'm sure everyone enjoyed that) and I have several blog topics stirring around in my sick demented mind so let's get to it.

A term I use a lot is managerspeak - It means phrases or words that a manager uses to say one thing but really means something else or at least something much more deeper.

Top Ten Managerspeak Phrases used

10. "Know Your Role" - translation you suck but because your my boy, never complain, and pay the ump fee I will get you in the game.
9. "Stay with Me" - translation your on the bench b/c I have someone better to replace you
8. "Get the Easy out" - translation I don't trust you. You like to make the fancy ESPN web gem plays and always mess up the sure easy outs and give me a heart attack
7. "Your getting a courtesy runner" - translation you either fat, slow, lazy or a stud player who pretends to be hurt
6. "Just worry about yourself and let me worry about the team" - translation Shut Up!!!!!!
5. "We win as a team and we lose as a team" translation don't bitch and complain when things go wrong just play you big baby
4. "We played a good game" translation We lost
3. "Stay Focused" translation put down the beer, weed, and cellphone
2. "Fellas Bring it in for a second" translation You guys are horrible and you make me sick but we still have time to stop the bleeding and get our act together

and the Number One Managerspeak Phrases used

1. Tie "We need more pitching" translation "We need more pitching" "We need more hitting" translation "We need more hitting"

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Two Places at the Same Time

A lot of guys date more than one girl at the same time.
A lot of softball players play on more than one team.

Top Ten Reasons Why Playing on Multiple Teams is like dating several girls at the same time.

10. Both can be a lot of fun - the thrill of getting caught is exciting
9. Both can be expensive - Gloves umps, league fees, drinks, gifts, dinners - Yo it adds up
8. Both create scheduling conflicts - No matter how hard you try you can't be at 2 places at the same time at once. At some point you choose the team your most loyalty too and at some point you gotta choose the girl you like boning the most.
7. Your always using your cellphone letting the other party know your going to be late
6. Both involve a lot of lying and cover ups - You don't your significant other finding out your got something else on the side
5. Sometimes its not worth it - Your always worried about the other game or girl
4. Both involve using protective equipment - Condoms, Birth Control, Gloves, Sunscreen, etc
3. You always want to make sure you say the right name when making love to your woman, and you always want to say the right team name in the huddle during the game
2. You gotta do both while your young - you need energy, stamina, and mojo to get the job done

and the number one Reasons Why Playing on Multiple Teams is like dating several girls at the same time

1. You gotta be a true player to do both well

Monday, May 14, 2007

Monday Morning Manager - Full Tank of Gas and Nowhere to Go

This week the team I managed on Sundays, Gallagher's, had a bye ( no game ) on
Mother's Day ( Happy Belated Mother's Day by the way ) so there was NO SOFTBALL FOR YOU! as we had the week off

True softball fievrues ( fievrue means fever to play softball in Spanish) hate byes.

Top Ten Reasons I hate Softball Byes

10. I have a full tank of gas and nowhere to go.
9. There is something wrong about a sunny day with no softball. I feel guilty being inside.
8. Limits my blog topics
7. Makes coming back 2 weeks later feel like a new season - messes with the flow of things.
6. All my non softball playing friends have plans and don't answer my calls.
5. Too much time on my hands to think about the real world.
4. My family mentally tortures me on bye weeks. Tells me I should spend more time with them and cruel stuff like that
3. I get calls from others players with nothing to do who sound equally bored.
2. Frosted Flakes get soggy if you leave them in milk too long - same thing happens to players on byes.

and the Number One Reasons I hate Softball Byes

1. No games of course - duh!!!!!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

When a Bad Day gets Worse

Usually I just suck, yesterday I really sucked. I made at least 2 mental errors and 3 overall errors yesterday. Throw in horrible hitting and some bad luck and it just as one of those days.
What are you going do? No one is going to feel sorry for you. Just gotta go back out there and take it play by play and try and make some positive progress.

OK enough Scrubby Ricky sob story, the bigger issue yesterday was when a teammate made a bad situation even worse.

In the top of the first our opponent scored 6 runs and needless to say that's a horrible way to start the day. We made an error (me of course) , they hit, our pitcher walked some guys, and we were throwing the ball around like retards. It happens. But when things are going bad the smart player gets calmer and more leveled headed. Not our team. Everyone lost their mind. We had this one player who absolutely lost his mind because he was batting 9th. The guy complaining knows how to play but he isn't exactly a stud. He said he was "personally embarrassed by batting 9th, drove 2 hours to get to the game, the other team was coming up to him and making fun of him ", blah blah blah all that bitch shit". The softball gods took care of him later for opening his big mouth as he struck out later in the day (he later quit or was thrown off the team whatever I don't care) . Needless to say the damage to our team was done because once one dog starts barking all the dogs start to bark". I felt like the team got down, was nervous and edgy and the chemistry was shaky almost like everyone was walking on egg shells. Luckily in the second game, Edgar Jr pitched a good game, everyone shut their mouth, and we won the nightcap.

The morale of the story is, never complain about selfish petty stuff like where you bat in the lineup -It's not where you bat that matters its how you hit. Just relax and play ball

Ok enough babbling, time for a Top Ten

Top Ten Ways to make a bad day worse

10. Point Fingers at your teammates. This is weak. Help each other out. That's what winners do
9. Think too much - Just play the game aggressively
8. Press - trying too hard is a sure fire way to do worse - try and relax
7. Argue with Umpire - this is ghetto and a waste of time - Like Jay-Z said in one of his songs "Never argue with fools because from a distance no one can tell who is who"
6. Quit - not an option - Losers quit
5. Feel sorry for yourself. No one else is so don't do it
4. Get Violent - Ugly
3. Complain and bitch about where you bat, play, or about being benched - Just Shut Up
2. Talk Trash to either your team or the opponent - shows no class

and the Number One Way to make a bad day worse

1. Argue with you teammates on the field for the whole park to see - keep things private - fighting on the field is embarrassing. It's like arguing with your wife/girl in public. A definite No No.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Softball Dishonor

Yesterday I suffered softball dishonor. I won a game on a forfeit.

For those of you who don't know what a forfeit is it is simply when your opponent does not have enough players to begin the game (most leagues let you start a game with 8 guys). If this happens then they are disqualified and you win a game that was never played.

If your on the team that loses by forfeit you can just blame the guys who didn't show and just blow it off. But if your on the team that wins by forfeit it is much worse. It's down right dishonorable.

Top Ten Reasons Winning by Forfeit is dishonorable

10. Your supposed to win on the field. Winning by a technicality diminishes your honor. It implies that you needed the help of a rule to win a game rather than you skill as a softball warrior.
9. The Forfeiting team usually yells at you something like "You only won because we didn't have all our guys". While this may not be necessarily true there is no way for you to defend yourself because no game was played - more dishonor
8. You still have to pay the ump fee. Another dishonorable task because you paying someone for a No Show job this makes you feel cheated and used - more dishonor
7. You go through so much just to get to the field - rush out of work, get a babysitter, fight traffic, lie to your wife and for what? To win a game that was never played? It makes you feel that other people are disrespecting your way of life.
6. If your the manager, the worse is when your very own players somehow some way blame you for the other team not showing up. The belittle your authority saying you made them waste their time. I've had moronic players ask me "Did you call the other team? Are you fucking kidding me? Call the other team? Makes you feel like your fighting your own team.
5. The worse forfeit to win by is when you actually play the game and lose, but the loss is reversed because the manager of your team protested the roster of the other team for an illegal player. Even though they are 100% right because the other team cheated, your team will always be dishonored because the other team will call you a scared bitch. As a word to the wise, question your opponents roster before a game to save yourself this embarrassment.
4. If you love the game you always want to play - Winning by forfeit disrespects your love.
3. If you win by forfeit everyone on your roster earns a game of eligibility. It's a shiesty way for you to manipulate the rules to your advantage and sneak a stud player onto your roster for the playoffs. While this is no fault of your own it does manipulate a loophole in the system and disrespects the integrity of the game.
2. Their is no other way to say it - Winning on a Forfeit sucks it is a major disappointment. It's like a hot girl you met at the club never calling you back. You feel dissed and dismissed.

and the Number One Reason Winning by Forfeit is Dishonorable

1. The other team forfeiting is dating like a girl that never puts out. When you date a girl and take her to nice places, walk her home, spend money/time , call her, buy condoms, and she doesn't produce. It's so frustrating because she kisses you, rubs up on you, talks dirty to you but never wants to go all the way. You feel like your manhood has been disrespected. The same thing happens in a softball forfeit. You do everything for the game but you get nothing back in a forfeit - it insults your manhood and you feel dishonored.

It's the same

The losing team didn't respect you enough to call the league ahead of time and concede the game. They made you shlep all teh way to the game and stand out there for like an hour just to
annoy you. Ity's like they said "Yeah we didn't show up but we are going to hurt you most by making you put on your softball gear, go the field, warm up

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Making a Lineup - Go for the kill!!! or Death Before Dishonor

Perhaps the hardest choice any manager has to make is balancing loyalty vs winning.

Some managers are ruthless as women shopping for shoes at the mall when writing out a lineup. They don't give a rats ass who's in the way, they came here to get what they want and they don't want anyone getting between them and their manolo shoes, I mean victory.

While other managers are loyal to a fault sticking with "their guys" willing to go down with the titanic and leave the lifeboats to women and children first. Death before Dishonor is their mantra.

My wise softball master, Yoda Juan Moreiras, taught me the following rule. "Padwon  search your feelings for the truth. Always guarantee everyone at least 1 game. Never ask anyone to be on your team that is not capable of helping your team. Be fair and trust your instincts." These words are some really deep shit. Unfortunately, in the selfish me me me world of softball it''s a lot easier said than done.

So here are my Top Ten Rules for making Lineup when you have too many guys

10. Rule 10 involves the number 11 - Use 11 hitters only if your not facing a stud pitcher. 11 man lineups generally suck - they are too long but against so so pitching it's OK. Against stud pitching use 10.
9. Weak minds write lineups first - Great minds set their defense first
8. Don't mess with your top 5 hitters if they are there - ever
7. Favor the red hot hitters
6. Show loyalty to guys who deserve it - guys who play well, smart and hard that give you no problems.
5. Don't move someone who wines and complains up in the lineup - softball gods are sure to punish them for opening their mouth.
4. Limit the number of guys who use a courtesy runner in your lineup - if your not hurt you should never need a runner - it goes against the nature of the game
3. Never let personal feelings get in the way -always think of the team first
2. Never bat the guy who paid for the team high in the lineup if he doesn't deserve it - This sets a bad vibe for the team - It's like that Lotto commercial where the guy buys the team and sucks.

and the Number One Rule When Making a Lineup when you have too many guys

1. Regular Season everyone plays - sometimes you have to lose a battle to win a war - Playoffs is a different story - Go for Kill!! You have to because you know the manager across from you will not give you any breaks. It's Do or Die - There is No Tomorrow!!!!!!

Monday, May 7, 2007

Monday Morning Manager - Wasted Talent

Legendary coach and psycho Bobby Knight says the ESPN ruined coaching because everyone wants to make the Sports center highlight rather than make the solid but boring fundamental play. I think the same thing is true in softball. No one is content with just getting an out. Everyone wants to be flashy and get all the applause and accolades of the crowd/fans by trying to do too much. Hey, I love a great diving play or a spectacular double play as much as the next guy but there are situations in a game where you just have to get an out. Especially when things are going wrong.

Yesterday on Gallagher's, the team I manage on Sunday, we rolled to an easy 13-1 mercy victory in game one. Between games I had guys coming up to me saying they wanted to leave because the first game was long and boring, like this blog :) , and the other team was uncompetitive. That's when I knew in game two that we would get sloppy and be in for a battle, and guess what I was right.

In the nightcap, we started throwing the ball around, making stupid decisions, posing with the ball as runners took extra bases, and running through Stop signs by the 3rd base coach. Before you knew it we were down 5-0. To a manager this is extremely annoying. We were able to come back and win the game fairly easily, but against a more seasoned and talented club we would have gotten smoked.

Great teams like Contact, Choice Parts, Clemente Pirates, the Cardinals, Old Skool, DEA, the Highlanders and of course West never do stupid shit like I mentioned above. They get the easy outs, listen to there base running coaches and methodically wear you down. Loco style softball is HIGH RISK HIGH REWARD, which is cool when playing craps in Atlantic City but more often than not will get you an undeserved loss in a big game.

In the movie Bronxtale, Robert De Niro said "There is nothing worse in life than wasted talent". The same idea applies in softball " There is nothing worse in life than wasted softball talent". Playing undisciplined and stupid more often than not leaves you feeling that you wasted an opportunity - and that is the worse feeling you can have in the game.


Saturday, May 5, 2007

Saturday Softball

For some reasons softball on Saturday's usually sucks.

I always though this was weird. I mean most people work all week and you would think that the fievrue's (Spanish for someone with the fever to play) would be out in full force on Saturday to do the weekend warrior thing.

But in reality softball on Saturday's generally suck. - Weird but true

Top Ten Reasons why Softball on Saturday's sucks

10. After waking up early for 5 days in a row - it's hard to wake up early on Saturday to play
9 Friday night is a big drinking night - makes it tough to recover and play Saturday
8. A lot of people still work on Saturdays - Let's be honest most of the better players ain't exactly CEO's of IBM - softball is the working man's game - so cabbies, construction workers doorman's, clerks, delivery man all have to work on Saturday's
7. Watered down league - most of the league's that play on Saturday's let to many bum teams in their league making competition a joke. The better players would rather stay home than play in garbage time
6. Saturday's is a big multi-tasking day - run errands, take kids to little league or soccer, barbecues, clean the house, make the wife happy - Sunday is usually Dad's day
5. Saturday is like an extreme softball day - the better leagues are either lob or windmill - their is no clear defined niche for the established modified player
4. Pickup softball in Central Park is big lots of heads playing out there. Too bad most of those heads are headcases "La Liga de los Locos" - playing there can be hazardous to your health
3. Saturday is goon day - a lot of young kids who don't know how to play come out - they talk trash, drink, dress and act all ghetto -This lowers the quality of the game
2. All the money in softball is played for on Sunday - the lower the league fee usually means the lower the competition - This does not hold true in Gunny's league where the money is good but the field quality (54th street) is the worse in the city - make the game a chore and not fun

and the Number One Reason Playing Softball on Saturday's Sucks

1. A league commissioner hasn't found a way to make it work yet - It's ain't easy as points 10-2 show - but it can be done - I have confidence my boy Steve Jimenez will make it happen in Central Park one day - HOLLER!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. As for me - any day is a good day for softball -a true fievrue always believes that

Thursday, May 3, 2007


Like the song says "Cause it's one, two, three strikes yer out that's they old ball game" - the game was deigned for every batter to have 3 strikes (chances) and 4 balls in every at bat.

In softball some leagues have a 1-1 count.

Meaning that when a batter steps in the batting box he has 1 ball and 1 strike on him

Like Chris Rock says "THAT AIN'T RIGHT!!!!

With 2 exceptions

(1) Lob Ball - Lob ball is a game where the pitcher is not allowed to throw fast - hence the term lob. In this case I fully believe in the 1-1 count and limiting the number of foul balls a batter is allowed. I mean, throwing the ball softly goes against the very nature of the game. So making it 1-1 gives the pitcher at least a fighting chance and speeds up a slow high scoring game.

(2) Central Park Pickup Softball - All games should be 1-1.
4 Key Several Reasons
(1) Pickup softball has no edge, no meaning - you play just to play. So you want to play more, A 1-1 count will make the game quicker and you can actually play more games
(2) Pickup softball has no umps - so the buddy system is used - What happens is that the ump is either inexperienced, horrible or a cheater - the games are too long and slow
(3) Most of these guys go up looking for walks cause they know they can't hit. They duck underneath pitches, foul off lob pitches intentionally, hustle umps - walks make a game slow and boring. 1-1 would help reduce his problem.
(4) Most of the guy who play pickup are either way out there mentally, too dumb to find their way home, or just a plain menace to society and quickening the game would get them off the street and make life safer for everyone - so 1-1 would help make the park a safer place

But most of the time the 1-1 count sucks

Top Ten Reasons Why playing softball to a 1-1 count sucks

10. The game is being rushed. The beauty of baseball is that time has no meaning. You earn your outs - they are not timed or given away
9. It's greedy - faster game means more games/teams in the league - more money for the commissioner and umps
8. It gives the pitcher a huge advantage - Hitting is hard enough
7. It's ghetto
6. The game doesn't need anything to make it better - It's beautiful - leave it alone - just play
5. 1-1 Shows no respect for the game -the softball field is like church to players.
4. It's retarded - turns softball into a 4x4 sprint instead of a game
3. Most 1-1 leagues also have a foul ball limit - 2 fouls and your out - also ghetto and unfair
2. Most people are too stupid to remember that the 1-1 count rule - always asking around to find out the rule, very annoying

and the Number One Reasons playing softball to a 1-1 Count Sucks

1. Lowers the quality of the game - Makes a hitter think and swing at bad pitches, umps are strike happy to get the game over with, bottom line it sucks

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Watered Down Drink

Top Ten Reasons Why Softball can be Like a Watered Down Drink

10. Clubs that serve watered down drinks are usually trendy, superficial and all the hot girls are unapproachable. In softball it's trendy for all the good players to follow the good pitchers resulting in a ridiculously stacked team creating watered down competition.
9. Watered down drinks leave you feeling cheated. Softball with watered down competition can leave you feeling cheated.
8. Both leave you unsatisfied - You have high expecations for both but reality leaves you disappointed. - Your still thirsty for more liquor after having a watered down drink. After playing in a watered down softball game it leaves you wanting to play against better competition.
7. Watered down drinks suck and watered down softball leagues suck - no competition sucks
6. If you buy a hot girl watered down drinks all night she won't get drunk as fast, you spend too much money, and your probably not getting laid. If you bring a stud player to a watered down league it's waste of time, money, and the player probably won't want to play there anymore.
5. After having a watered down drink you never want to have one again. After playing in a watered down softball game/ league you never want to play there again.
4. A watered down drink has no taste or buss. A watered down softball league has no taste and competition buzz.
3. Watered down drinks turn something you love, liquor, into something cheap and useless. Weak softball leagues turn the game you love into a trivial useless joke.
2. Greedy club owners and bartenders water down the drinks they serve. Shiesty commissioners who have a team in the league water down the competition in the hopes of winning the prize money

and the number one reason why softball can be like a watered down drink

1. Even though a watered down drink sucks you keep going back to the bar for more because your a sucker for liquor and have nothing better to do. In softball, even though the competition, field, league, etc. sucks you keep going back for more because your a sucker for the game and have nothing better to do.